I've got wang vision

In Nashville we have a local celebrity Dr. Ming Wang. Not only did he practically invent laser eye surgery but he's also a champion ballroom dancer. You can't swing a dead cat in this town and not hit a Wang Vision Institute commercial.

I overheard my kids playing superhero the other day and one of them said "I have super speed powers." The other one said "I've got death ray powers." Finally one of them said "I've got wang vision." Not sure what that power entails but it sounds neat.

Her Short-Term Memory Reverie

My wife is forgetful. Yes, I have my own faults but this is my blog.

Yesterday she called me from home and asked if somehow I had taken her car keys. I checked...nope. We hadn't had time to get a spare key made for her newish car (a life saver in past situations such as these) so I had to leave work to bring her my key. Earlier in the morning she had taken Harry to school so the keys existed then. (?!)

When I got home I took about five minutes to look in the usual places: purse, clothes pockets, bathroom counters, all horizontal surfaces, dog bowls, laundry basket, teacups. Nothing.

The boys got home from school and started a search party. They looked in the semi-unusual places: the vehicle itself, trash, dog food bag, guinea pig cage, refrigerator. Nothing.

I was determined to find those keys last night: searched in the bed covers, under the car seats (amazing amount of electronics under today's butts), all vertical surfaces, the washer/dryer, unused Kroger bags, wrapped Christmas presents, plants, birds, rocks, things. Nothing.

Because I watch too much television, I was then convinced that an organized crime ring had been casing our house and had taken the keys with the intent to return later and steal both our cars and loot our house. Never mind they could have stolen the car when they first took the keys, but these are smart criminals. You never know what they're up to. One step ahead of us.

I battened down the hatches, turned on every conceivable alarm and light fixture, Harry placed a Gilligan-esque bucket trap over the door, we went to bed, and I woke up about every hour to check on our cars.

This morning I went to the garage fridge to fetch some milk for my coffee. Marci's car keys were nicely chilled in the fridge door where you usually put your beer. Seems when she was ready to leave the house yesterday, she stopped by the garage fridge to grab a water and by the time she reached the car three seconds later, had misplaced her keys.

Have any good stories of misplaced items?

"What's a vector?" is the new "Where did I come from?"

My kids are harnessing technology in amazing ways. This week I've discovered I have a future email spoofer and future game developer in my house.

First my seventh grader. He is in a heap of trouble at school for figuring out another kid's password and sending an email to the entire class as the other kid. Bad.

On to my fourth grader. For months Harry's been hinting at wanting to learn Flash because most of the games he plays online are built in Flash. I've been telling him it's a really complicated program and maybe he should start with something easier. Harry ended up putting Flash on his Christmas wish list; my wife asked me "what is Flash?" I told Harry he didn't need to ask for the software for Christmas. I have Flash on my laptop and immediately he started working through some online tutorials and quickly built his first simple animations.

A couple of nights later he was rummaging through the craft closet/recording booth and found a Flash 8 tutorial I had borrowed from work. He said "Dad, why didn't you tell me you had this?" as if I'd been holding back a great record collection or had been hiding a motorcycle in the basement. After flipping through the book he asked me "what's the difference between a vector and a bitmap?" Great moments in parenthood.

Last night he showed me his first shape tween. Proud papa I am.

Great Moments in Parenthood, Vol. 1

For months I've been quietly playing the Illinois record by Sufjan Stevens. I've wanted my sons to really like it but haven't pushed it. I tivo'd Sufjan on Austin City Limits last weekend and played the show a couple of times and since then noticed both Will and Harry humming the tunes, especially "Casimir Pulaski Day." Well last night Will was practicing guitar and he went online to find the chords for the song! I listened to him play while I softly sang in the other room.

A professional wrassler once owned my home

When I moved into my current home two years ago, I found some battered 35mm negatives in the attic of what appeared to be men in underwear and one man as an Elvis impersonator. I carried the negatives around for a year meaning to get prints made of them. Last summer I finally did that and here were the results:

The nice ladies at Walgreens said they recognized them as "TV wrasslers" from the 70s. I just thought the photos were a hoot. Apparently these guys wrestled under the team name "The Jet Set" (see undies, above). I then did what every Webhead would do and created a t-shirt at Cafe Press.

I emailed the photos to several friends asking if they could help identify the wrestlers. No luck. A few weeks later our friend Pam was scouring the real estate records to find out what all her friends had paid for their homes (like you do) and she discovered that wrestler George Gulas and/or his wrestling promoter father Nick had once owned our home.

Anyway, my kids won't allow me to wear the t-shirt anywhere near them. George, let me know if you want those negatives back.

Domain names as baby gifts

You know it's the twenty first century when you find yourself reserving domain names of your friends' new babies as a gift celebrating their new offspring. For example, last year my gift to my brother and sister-in-law was a site dedicated to my new niece, Nora. Now if I could just get them to update the damn content on the site.

The Stewart house is all agog about Nora's visit to Nashville this weekend.